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Since then, I’ve had a series of short-term boyfriends whom I always get sick of. The last man I loved was my college boyfriend, who was a treasure, but he moved to another country after college to pursue a big career, and I chose not to go with him. I have not been in love for a very long time. It gives me goose bumps to see the word love come through in a text from him. He writes back, “I Love That for You.” I giggle. I text Boyfriend that I’m watching a show called I Love That for You. But here’s the thing: I think I love him.ĩ p.m. I also realize that her thinking is very sensible and I’m just being immature. I realize that I don’t like hearing the things that I don’t want to hear. She’s very curt and unemotional about it. Her feeling is if I want to have kids someday, I need to ditch him and find someone interested in having kids. She tells me that she’s personally against egg-freezing because it gives false hope to women like me. Call my sister, who just had a baby, for advice. She said my blood work looks good and we can move forward with a few more appointments if I’m interested.ĥ p.m. Follow-up call with a nurse about freezing my eggs. We ended up cuddling as we slept last night, which means I didn’t sleep great, but it also showed that we were both aware we had a very intimate conversation at dinner and had become, arguably, closer in talking about real life together. Same mad rush to get home, showered, and into my office. I try to come from the oral before and then focus the sex part on getting him off.ġ0:30 a.m. The biggest problem for me is that he’s great at foreplay and a wonderful kisser, but it’s hard to come from his actual penis. Sex at his place is pretty good, as usual. But … now I just have all these voices in my head warning me against him.ġ1 p.m. He has already told me he never wanted them, so I know I’m asking for something he can’t give me. But it bothers me a bit that he doesn’t suggest that maybe we have kids together someday. He is very supportive and asks all the right questions about the procedure and the doctor he even asks if I need help paying for it. We’re enjoying some steak-frites when I tell Boyfriend that I want to freeze my eggs. I decide to talk to Boyfriend tonight about my doctor’s appointment.ĩ p.m. Argh! I can’t seem to escape judgment today. “Yes, very badly.” She looks at me with concern. I tell the doctor that I’m in a relationship with someone who never had kids and doesn’t want them. At a doctor’s appointment to discuss freezing my eggs. Also, I’m 31, not 18! I nod politely as she continues to talk nonsense.Ģ p.m.
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Boyfriend has never done anything to imply he’s a playboy or a womanizer. I try not to be insulting by the implication that I’m somehow not good enough for him or that I’m the fool here.
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She thinks he’s too attractive, too rich, and too old. I have a breakfast “meeting” with another colleague, who is actually a good friend. Will discuss with Boyfriend tonight.ġ1 a.m. I narrowed our trip down to a few places. Travel porn kept me up until way too late last night. We have a great talk and land on a destination - Maine - and he tells me to do some research and call him when I need a credit card. Call Boyfriend to ask about a summer trip we were talking about. I live by myself, and the nights I’m not with my boyfriend, I like to read, watch TV, and relax.ĩ p.m. Citi Bike home to Cobble Hill and pick up sushi on the way. That’s been our routine every few days since: uptown dinner or drinks a few nights a week hot sex, even if a bit vanilla sleepover and then off to our very different worlds.Ħ p.m. We started flirting and a few days later had a cocktail together uptown we ended the night with wild sex. We weren’t directly working with each other, but I came up with a ridiculous reason to email him. He’s about 15 years older but looks great - reminded me of Bradley Cooper. I first met him via Zoom and was instantly attracted. We’ve been seeing each other for about six months. The mornings are always a crunch but so worth the chaos. I take a long, hot shower, then head to work on the subway.ġ0:30 a.m. Plus, my boyfriend always hands me a couple hundred-dollar bills on my way out, and it’s nice to have cash to spend.ĩ a.m.
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Nevertheless, I slither out of his building, past the doormen, and into the street to hail a taxi.Ĩ:15 a.m. It’s not like my colleagues are going to spot me on the Upper East Side. So when I sneak out of his house in the morning, I’m stupidly paranoid. I work in biotech, and he used to be a client at my job - he was someone with a lot of money who hired my team for a project. No one at work knows about my “boyfriend.” We haven’t officially used that term around each other, but I call him that to myself and my friends. This week, a woman sneaks around with a work contact who everyone says is wrong for her but whom she may be in love with: 31, in a relationship, Brooklyn.Ĩ a.m.